One month later I went again to Hopkins to debate the outcomes of a postoperative CT scan. My husband and I met Dr. Johnston together with his crew in his workplace. My GP, Dr. Prokopowicz, was on the telephone listening in. Although Dr. Johnston greeted me warmly, I sensed a shift in his usually sunny disposition. He checked out me and mentioned gently, “Jane, I’m sorry to let you know that your current MRI reveals that you’ve metastases in your liver.”
The total impression of this revelation didn’t hit me straight away.
“What does that imply?”
“Sadly, it means you have got metastatic pancreatic most cancers. And with out therapy, you have got roughly eight months to dwell.” (Though the most cancers had now unfold to my liver, it was nonetheless known as pancreatic most cancers as a result of that’s the place the malignant cells originated.)
If studying I had most cancers was an earthquake, this aftershock was a tidal wave.
“What therapy may I’ve?” I stammered.
“Chemotherapy is really helpful.”
So now my hopeful outlook on life had modified to a grim outlook on demise.
I bought residence and googled “metastatic pancreatic most cancers.” Dr. Google was even much less optimistic than Dr. Johnston. Based on the online, I had a 3 p.c likelihood of dwelling eight months after such a analysis, even with chemotherapy.
My subsequent cease was a session with an oncologist. This physician informed me that there was just one therapy for metastatic pancreatic most cancers: chemotherapy. I’d heard horror tales about these medication. However I additionally had a number of mates who’d survived their cancers by having chemo. The factor was, regardless of the ache of recovering from a giant operation, I nonetheless felt remarkably properly.
I informed him, “I actually don’t need to have chemo. I don’t need to really feel unhealthy till I die. I need to really feel good till I die.” If I appeared cavalier, it was as a result of I nonetheless had not but felt the complete weight of demise upon me.
I requested him how lengthy it could be earlier than I had signs as a result of I needed to go play in a giant poker match in Las Vegas after which go to Amsterdam to see the Vermeer exhibit.
“I don’t suppose a few months will make a lot distinction,” he mentioned. “After your travels we’ll stick a port in you and begin chemo in case you change your thoughts.” It was a fast go to.
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